Seduciary Responsibility Monday, Feb 15 2010 

“The responsibilities of a boyfriend/husband to his girlfriend/wife to make attempts and succeed at seducing his/her mate.”

When I first read this it was of great amusement as I am a proponent of seduction.  Seduction is a set of skills that can “lead one astray” usually to some enjoyable sexual encounter.  These skills and abilities are more than just “how to get laid” however.  They are a tool set for influence and often power over people.  And as with any powerful tool, they use of it can be good or evil depending on the person wielding it.  However I must state the tools themselves are morally neutral.  The motives and actions of the person using the tools are where the morality is displayed.

Women have traditionally been the gender of seduction.  Robert Greene’s The Art of Seduction, is a wonderful read on the history of seduction and the reasons women were the early fans of the Crimson Arts, as I have recently heard it called.  However, men have always been interested in anything that furthered the access to sex.  Therefore we have historical examples (if often mostly myth) in the likes of Cassanova and Don Juan, as well as a host of other men like Benjamin Disraeli who though not much to look at could apparentlycharm the paint off walls.  So seduction is for both men and women, and clearly works for both genders.

Much has been said on “game” which is simply another way of explaining seduction in more concrete terms of evolutionary psychology and technical terms which men particularly enjoy and women often find off-putting.   I would like to offer a personal observation on Game and why I think it is important to have and employ.

The first reason for game is obvious.  The better you are at charming the opposite gender the better your chances of survival and replication, ie sex and offspring.  This is basic biology for men, the more women you have sex with the better the likelihood of children and your genetic legacy will live on.  I know very few men that think of it in such stark terms.  More often this “drive” is simply stated as sex drive, which is very powerful and visual in men.  Seduction often was the method that could get a comely female in a mindset for a pleasureable physical encounter.  Sadly though, for men this is often a skill not passed from father to son, or even from mentor to student, men often are said to “have it or not.”  This is of course simply not the case.   Men of all walks of life can learn (have learned) to be seductive.  The skill acquisition is not easy for sure, but it isn’t a curse from some sky fairy if one isn’t  a “natural.”  Most of us are not born with the skills to drive a car, write or type, or even keep themselves hygienic.  These are skills we learn by observing, collecting information, replicating the successful experiments of others.  Seduction or Game is no different.  Women on the other side can use seduction to find a man that she is interested in and then keep him.  Most women are much more interested in keeping men than finding them.  A decent resource for this is the Ladies over at GirlGame (http://girlgame.wordpress.com/).  Most of the advise to women comes in the form of the same stuff your Grandmother might say but updated with some modern spin.  There are plenty of resources online, in print, and even in evidence in pop culture of how to seduce the object of one’s desire. I might cover that in another blog, but for now lets move on to another reason for the Crimson Arts.

Another reason to learn to seduce is to simply get to know people intimately.  Seduction certainly  has a sexual component to it.  However the basics of the skills are the same for good interpersonal skills we see preached by Dale Carnegie in “How to Win Friends and Influence People” as well as a slew of other “relationship authors” such as John Gray, Anthony Robbins, and a whole host of gurus in the human potential movement.  Even though the focus of Game is to get a person interested in you, it is often a way to get to know if you want anything to do with that person .  This is often why I am amused by both men and women who vilify Game.  They usually vainly attempt to discredit the skills by saying it is manipulative and self serving.  Again I will remind my readers that the skills themselves are morally neutral.  They are not inherently evil or good, only the person using them can be seen as good or evil.

Seduction can be used to bring people you want to get to know more about closer to you.  Or it can be used as a screening tool for people around you that are looking for something you are not and avoid those relationships if you are not “in” for what that person is looking for.  Seduction is still a two way street.  The person working on seducing and the person willing to be seduced.   For women this provides a way to know the character of the man that interests you.  If you meet a guy that is very obviously comfortable around women and used to getting feminine attentions, I would suggest you be careful.  He might be a player, cad, rogue, or scoundrel.  Or he might be a normal guy who has had good women in his past that showed him how women think and now is looking for Ms. Right.  Time and the chase will often reveal who he is, PAY ATTENTION!  And lets be honest most women can spot a player a mile away by the time they are 21.  For Men seduction offers the ability to see if a woman is “worth” committing to for a relationship.  Yes, ladies, quality men will require you to do more than exist to even consider committing in this age of gold-diggers, no fault divorce,  punitive divorce courts and often sexless marriages.  So, while I don’t share some men’s opinions on the state of women in the “anglosphere,”  I do understand how they might arrive there, and Ladies you will do well to understand it too, if you do want a good man.  Seduction is a very powerful tool in dividing the wheat from the chaff in the dating arena, that is if you know how to use it properly, which brings me to the title of this blog.

Seduciary Responsibility.  This gentle readers, is part of my reason for starting this blog.  I believe that seduction is one of the most thrilling and fun parts of life.  I love the dance of it all, the stimulus/response matrix the probability of outcome, while never expecting.  It is all very thrilling to me.  However I do believe that there is harm that can be done if these skills are used irresponsibly.  For example I, for one, never date virgins.  They do not bring a part of an adult relationship that I require to the table.  I require the assumption of sex in my “non-platonic friend” female relationships. Virgins, unless they come to me desiring to lose it with full knowledge of who I am and what I am about, are forbidden for me.   They become too attached, and while I would enjoy showing them all the earthly delights I have learned, I know that the situation is far too emotional for her well being or my patience.   I have established this rule for me, as I have seen girls (especially young) that when they lose their virginity get emotionally scared from what they though of as a “relationship” and the guy had other motives.  This is part of the seduciary responsibility of the skills of seduction as it relates to being single.  I in essence try to “Do no harm” and “leave them better than I found them.”  An Ethical Slut if you will.

As the quote above indicates, the seduciary responsibilites do not end at consummation, or even conception for that matter.  Even in LTRs the job of seduction is never really done.  Each partner must do their part to keep the sexual tension up and the game afoot.  We all fail at this from time to time.  however it is, I think, an important part of LTRs and if neglected long enough often the cause of the death of a relationship.   For those that do not want to put forth the effort to maintain a relationship then avoidance is probably the best route to take.  I often see this lack of seduciary responcibility in women as manifest after marriage by ever shortening hair, weight gain and the ever present track suit and sweats.  In men I see it in some of the same ways (weight gain and poor style) but also in what I call the “victory lap.”  Guys once they have wooed a woman will sometimes forget that the wooing never stops or she will get bored and leave your dull emotionless existence.  I have heard some men say women are hypergamous, which “is the act or practice of seeking a relationship with a person of equal or higher socioeconomic status, or caste status than oneself.”  These men get upset that she might actually decide someone is better than them and move on.  I am not sure why these men get so upset.  Don’t we all, men and women, want the best for ourselves? Whatever that is?  I know I do.  Is there some issue with these men about being able to keep up and compete with other men? Or do they think once the choice of relationship is made that happiness is irrelevant or worse illogical? While I do, in the context of marriage see the problems of if a woman (or man) decides they want something new or better in a marriage as it brings a legal ramifications to both.  However if seduction is employed though out the marriage, then the risk of this is lowered, though not eliminated as humans are complex emotional creatures.  I see marriage as a rareified and odd social construct that I  will deal with the legalities of Marriage and Divorce in a latter blog.

I do hope I did some justice to this topic,

Regards,

Mr. Alighieri

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Hello world! Sunday, Feb 14 2010 

Greetings All,

If you have found this, my drop of water in the Fountain of all Knowledge known as the Interwebs, thank you for visiting.  I will be posting as often as time allows and will be linking blogs to mine that offer discussion and debate on various topics, not name calling and asinine arguments.  I hope those that stop by will find my thoughts interesting and stimulating. 

Regards,

Mr. Alighieri